Living through a global pandemic
For most people, when the news broke out in January about the strange virus that ravaged China and left people dropping dead in markets and corpses littered in the streets, it sounded strange and abstract. For the most part, it felt like a scene out of a movie like Resident Evil, it just didn’t feel real. Surely many times before we had heard news of outbreaks of corona viruses like SARS and MERS from China and the Middle East, but those were handled and kept under control before most of the rest of the world even knew these epidemics existed, in fact most people are still unaware of these viruses and few others only got to know about them because of the COVID-19 pandemic, unfortunately. But even then, to the rest of the world these viruses still felt very far off and not so much like a big deal even though we saw pictures and news clips of people living in Asia being subjected to all kinds of preventive measures, most notably the use of face masks which ironically have become the new normal today, even then these corona viruses felt so unreal until they were handled quickly and efficiently enough to not disturb the course of existence for the rest of the world, the viruses just… vanished.
However something about this news of a strange virus causing people to fall sick and drop dead in the streets felt different. The feeling was like a premonition, knowing something terrible was coming and not being able to do anything about it. While some people subconsciously prepared for this imminent disaster, others walked about telling themselves and anyone else who cared to listen that the virus “will not cross borders”. I think everyone knew deep down it was only a matter of time.
I spent the rest of January and February looking at the maps showing affected countries, infection and death tolls at work. I was fixated on this virus, studied every number produced, learnt everything I could that was available to at the time just so I could better prepare myself for this impending doom and educate others. I did all this in paranoia, I was scared because I live in a different city from my family and friends, I live in a city where I’m all alone, I could NOT afford to make a mistake that would send my family into a frenzy and I really just had to look after myself because I didn’t have a choice.
It has now been about 5 months since the index case was announced in my country and we’ve gone through phases of national lock down to reduce or control the spread of the virus. Since then the term “WFH” has become very common, even I have had to start working remotely and have remained confined to my apartment, only stepping out for essential supplies and food stuff, completely detached from the rest of society.
The first 4 to 6 weeks of the country wide lock down were awful! I was hit with multiple waves of depression, most of it came from the fact that I was away from my family and then there was also the uncertainty of what the world would become and how this situation would affect things, that gave me terrible anxiety. So I was cooped up at home, struggling with depression and anxiety, lonely, alone and unable to see or talk to anyone. If there’s anything this period taught me, it’s definitely to appreciate little graces we tend to take for granted like physical companionship.
It definitely took a while of feeling these things and struggling to stay afloat in this sea of uncertainty, especially while having elderly parents who I had learnt are at higher risk of fatality, but I calmed down. I was able to relax. I kept myself better informed and stopped obsessing over the news, stopped checking graphs and maps. Instead I started sleeping more, it was hard but I did it, I focused on doing better work and things that I enjoyed that I could do indoors. I read more, watched more films when I wasn’t working and typically decided to magnify the pros of the situation no matter how very tiny they initially were.
One other thing I learnt was self reliance and being able to live with myself. I realized that I didn’t particularly love the thoughts in my head, I didn’t like to be alone with myself. This period gave me the opportunity and time to reexamine myself truly, answer difficult questions and create room to be the kind of person that I would love to be alone with, this was definitely a big life changer for me and I can totally say that something good came out of this terrible situation if it means me becoming a better person.
It’s middle of August now, the virus isn’t slowing down and as much as people are trying to get their lives back together, we know there might never be a “normal” again, it’s up to us to decide what this could or should mean for us. Regardless of how bumpy it’s been so far, I still pray for the best to come this year and I know that as long as there is life, there is hope.